Birds in the Lights

The greatest joy of driving is noticing birds in traffic lights. While stopped at a red, if you're lucky enough, you'll see the silhouette of a chubby little bird nestled cozily against the lens. Taking notice of such an image in the morning oftentimes ensures a wonderful day ahead.

Good for those birds. Very resourceful. All the trees, telephone lines and 76 balls in the world are at their fingertips, but some birds choose traffic lights. These are the birds who want a little more from life. They want, no, they deserve, private apartments with the warmth of a bulb twice the size of their feathered little bodies. With three possible colors to choose from and a city view that can't be beat, these birds know what they want and make sure they get it.

There are three possible ways of seeing a bird in a traffic light. They can be seen in the red, yellow or green light, but not all at once. Never assume that the bulb illuminated at the time is the only one occupied, as these are multi-level dwellings and during times like these there probably aren't many vacancies. Absolutely no vacancies on rainy days.

Much is told about a bird's personality by which light they choose. It's easiest to notice a bird in the red light since this is when we stop and stare in hopes of it turning just a little bit quicker. Idling for more than a moment is a complete waste of time.

The red light bird has the penthouse suite, which forces all the world to stop for an average of 30 seconds. They ridicule our disdain for these frequent driving interruptions and enjoy the window of time to carefully choose their next defecation target. It can be safely assumed that these birds live flashy lifestyles and may not appreciate all else life has to offer, as say, the yellow light bird.

The yellow light bird is humble, unlike the red light bird, but still strives for the better things in life. This type of bird can be compared with middle class America, maybe living a little beyond their means, but enjoying it all the while. Who lives debt-free these days anyway? (Besides that family of 28 kids with bowl cuts)

The yellow light flashes for the shortest period of time, and from this we can see that these birds relish their privacy. They also get a kick out of witnessing the quick decision making process that goes with choosing whether or not to proceed through a yellow light. They scoff at the sweat upon the young boy's brow as he asks himself "am I gonna make it?". Lastly, they must have sick minds since they are likely to bare witness to accidents resulting in red light runs. Those are the ugliest.

Green light bird. Honest green light bird wants to live in a traffic light, but isn't finicky about the details. Green light bird doesn't mind that no one notices her as traffic rushes by. She's not picky about her defecation targets and doesn't take pleasure in the fact that humans are controlled each day by color-coated lights. Green light bird wants a warm, dry and charming place to live, but her priorities lie in other aspects of birdism. She appreciates the soothing effects of the color green and supports PETA and the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

It's the little things.